Month: November 2015

First lesson as a ‘bad girl’

So I reached the conclusion that I had put off at the end of my last post. Once more my playboy is out of my life, and don’t ask me if this is it ;). He still knows where to find me! But I’m hoping that once I’ve moved away for school, and with his number still blocked on my phone, he will finally lose all possible means to get hold of me. The first time we separated I was sad, second time sadder, third time absolutely, totally devastated, but I’ve become so good at this game now that I can barely feel any emotion this time- neither good nor bad. It was the inevitable and it has been done; it’s quite cut-and-dried.

Ironic as it may seem, he was a good friend, and I shared a lot with him. I told him one time, and it was a serious conversation, that I wish I wasn’t always the good girl breaking her heart over some guy who didn’t deserve it. His response: “Then go be a bad girl and break guys’ hearts“. I laughed.

Few days ago I was told by someone I very nearly fell in love with how I broke his heart. I almost want to be proud of myself and go tell my playboy, “hey, see! I did it after all“! But I can’t, bummer :P. But as you must have figured out by now, I like to analyze! I wouldn’t call it overthinking because I leave emotions out of my analysis, I like to look at the situation objectively and whatever conclusion I reach I don’t let it upset me. So if I conclude it was my mistake, I own it and try to fix it. Also, I don’t exclusively consider arguments that support my hypothesis- I take everything into consideration. You may as well call it the scientific method for analyzing life🤓.

So this person, when I met him, was already married, probably still is, I didn’t ask. But when he first told me that he loved me and was considering leaving his wife, my first instinct was not to trust him (atta girl :P). By the way, he said these things over different times and they were supposed to be mutually exclusive, however I didn’t perceive it that way. I always thought that the former was a way to legitimize a potential affair in the name of ‘love‘, and the latter a way to incentivize it. Anyway, call me smart or stupid, I was intrigued by the whole situation. So like all smart/stupid people do, I searched the Internet 😂. People had different things to say but the consensus seemed that only 5% or so men leave their wives for another woman. Interesting, I thought. So there is a 50-50 chance that he is telling the truth, and of that, there was 95% chance, statistically, that even if he was being honest he will decide to stay with his wife. Leaving aside the moral platitudes, the math itself wasn’t in my favor!

Despite telling him number of times that I didn’t trust him, his rhetoric kept getting bigger and bolder, and I slowly started wondering if I could actually love him, in fact if I DID actually love him! At this point, one would think I should have removed myself from this situation. But my choice of modus operandi is fight, not flight. I throw myself into the situation and I either come out unscathed or I come out wounded but wiser, but I come out a better person. So I wasn’t running away. As emotional as I may seem, I like to see things for myself to actually believe them. How does a married man expect a girl to take his word on face value I know not, but even the times when I asked him for proof he came up blank. Then my birthday came, AND went and there wasn’t even a card from him!

Taking a tangential diversion, you cannot commit a bigger offense in my world than forget my birthday or let it go unrecognized! Primarily because I start making announcements about it at least a month in advance. If you care about me, I give you plenty of time, and reminders, so you can show it to me. If you can’t even do that, then I’m sorry, you might as well be dead to me, hmph! 😛

Back on track, so not only did my birthday go unrecognized, he even failed to rise to the occasion the few times I asked for his help. Again, forgetting all other aspects that are obviously wrong here, from a simple evolutionary point of view, a girl is bound to look for a mate who can provide for her and protect her. If you can’t help me in times of need, what good are you to me! So, all the doubts I had about my feelings towards him evaporated. I forbade him from telling me that he loves me and I made it clear that we could be friends but nothing more. If he did actually get a divorce, we could consider dating after a healthy amount of time had lapsed but that was my best offer- friendship for present times and possibility of a relationship when he was in fact free to date!

Now I always thought I had been absolutely rational, and even fair, in how I dealt with the situation. In the event that he didn’t lie to me and actually ended up leaving his wife, I was willing to give him a chance because he’s actually a really nice guy, so long as he’s not a liar. But as things stood, there was simply nothing suggesting verity on his part. And yet, he has awarded me the title of a vicious woman who manipulated him and toyed with his emotions 🙄. Am I mistaken, or is something actually wrong with this world!?

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PS: something is wrong with the world 😉

Can (play)boys and girls be friends?

It’s been a while since I wrote, and I don’t know about you guys, but I missed it! At this point you’re supposed to say “We missed your posts too, and we missed YOU!” 😛

Anyway, so I had already hinted at the possibility of a hiatus. Well, that was sorta that but not quite. I’m going to continue disappearing intermittently but I had a really taxing day today so I am going to allow myself one post 😄 NaBloPoMo is a distant dream now but I’ll write whenever I can.

It’s no secret that I’m under some stress, though we cannot talk about any specifics right now. And in my last post I talked about wanting a hug. So guess what, my playboy is back in my life! No kidding, for the nth time! I told you he always finds a way back, but don’t you worry, it’s not what you’re thinking it is 😉

He had expressed a desire to see me on multiple occasions since he found out about my ‘situation‘ (let’s just call it that for now), but I kept denying his requests. I’ve suffered enough grief at his hands and right now I can’t handle more. But he is persistent like I told you. So I kept hearing from him on and off, and then on a day when I literally thought I couldn’t take it anymore, my phone buzzed and guess whose message was flashing on my screen! So I replied, said I was in a rough shape and needed some emotional support. He was quick to offer it and soon we were lying in my bed, my head on his chest, his arms around me… We talked for a good hour, or more, I can’t remember. What I do remember is feeling safe as I heard his heartbeat and felt his warmth. I haven’t felt safe in a very long time now- and don’t get alarmed, I’m not in any physical danger, my fears are more emotional and psychological in nature 😌.

Next day I thanked him for coming over, he said I could call him anytime, he’d be glad, and that he’s here for me. And just like that, we were friends once more. Every story has two sides, as does this. I know my side. I still love him, I know his flaws, but I don’t intend to change him. He has hurt me, but that’s because I have enabled him to do so. If I didn’t love him, nothing he did could’ve left an impression on me; if there were no feelings to begin with, there wouldn’t be anything to hurt, make sense?

Knowing how I feel, I need to maintain a separation from him so I can move on. But how much stronger can I be! I was doing well until he caught me in a weak moment. So I decided to establish some grounds rules for round one-thousand-and-one of our friendship. I am a resolute advocate of open and clear communication. I’m the one with the problem here so the onus lies on me to seek help. I told him that if we stay friends for too long, my feeings are going to start taking over my common sense, and I’ll start hoping for a relationship, again, and again this round will end in a fight. I’m going to do my best to keep myself in check but he needs to help out. He needs to make sure my feelings don’t get any encouragement from him. If he has other girls in his life, he has to be more forthright with that information than what he has been in the past. He didn’t say anything…

So there is a reason why I call him a ‘playboy‘. I don’t know much about him although we’ve been together on and off for three years now. But based on what I do know, I don’t think he has any female friends who are actually just friends. All his female friends are, or have been at some point, his friends-with-benefits, as was I. So when he tells me he enjoys my friendship even without the fringe benefits, I obviously find it hard to believe. He only seeks one kind of friendship from girls.

I’ve never been to his house, he actively discouraged that, we have never been out for dinner together, a drink on rare occasions, I’ve never met his friends, and forget family! But these are all things that good friends usually do. Unlike him, I have number of opposite-sex friends, many of them very close, and all of them platonic. We hang out frequently, I go over to their places for house parties, cookouts and barbecues, and I’ve met their other friends, and a lot of times family too. And that’s exactly how I treat my friends, girls or guys, because friends are friends, right?

In my humble opinion, he sees girls as potential threats to his freedom so they only get a certain level of clearance in his life, and even that they have to ‘earn’ ;). Obviously this excludes friends’ wives or girlfriends. Despite his claim that I’m his “best friend”, he doesn’t treat me like a friend, he still treats me like a girl, a threat, and upholds all the barriers.

I told him earlier that I had another rough day. But it’s Friday evening, so I’m not going to hear from him. If he is with a girl, he will not tell me about it. If he is hanging out with other friends, he won’t ask me to join. If he is simply relaxing at home, he won’t tell me to come over to watch a movie- these are things friends would do but he is wired to keep me a safe distance away and out of his private space. So what’s his side of the story then? Can we ever truly be friends? I guess I know the answer but I’m going to defer reaching that conclusion a little bit longer…

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Old habits certainly don’t die easy

Tomorrow is a big day- all I can disclose at this time is that I am signing an attorney’s retainer. I am scared beyond the finite boundaries of words, I cannot quantify the fear that surrounds me. I did not ask for any of this. I have been hurled into the thick of a dirty war and I am doing my best to come out of it unscathed, at least superficially. The emotional damage will probably last for a lifetime. But right now, I stand to lose everything, I might go bankrupt in the process, but what is the alternative? None if you believe in standing up for yourself and fighting for what’s right.

I haven’t shared anything with my parents but I keep hinting that I’d love for them to visit for a while. But winter is almost at our doorsteps and let’s just say, they’re not a fan! I asked my sister to visit too but she has her own life to run. She is trying her best but it’s just not working out. My friends are extremely supportive but I refrain from discussing my problems with them excessively, because no matter how loyal your friends are you don’t want to put it to test! I gladly accept the support they offer but I never ask for more. But all I really want is a simple hug, a warm embrace, a place where I can feel safe, even if for few minutes.

So it’s not unlikely to think about long lost lovers when thinking about tender hugs. It would have been nice to have a companion right now who could hold me and ease my mind. But as I reflect upon my past relationships, I can see a pattern emerge. Except for the one really serious relationship that lasted 5 years, I have always managed to pick out the damaged goods. The one before this serious relationship was scarred by an earlier ex. He and I have remained friends though. And the two since the serious relationship were damaged in their own respective ways. You might recognize these characters from some of my earlier posts- the mystery lover and my playboy 😉

So I paused and wondered to myself- why do I keep picking the people who are not even capable of supporting me in times of need? And the answer is rather plain- because that’s exactly the way I like it. I am too strong to admit to anyone that I need help. I am too guarded to let anyone see I can be weak too. I thrive in relationships where I’m the strong one. So I pick men who are weak and broken, who have insecutities stemming from their experiences before me, and I think to myself, “I’m gonna fix him. I’m going to love him unconditionally”. Maybe I am never truly looking for love but a project I can work on.

I said that I was my best self when I was around my mystery man. Indeed, because he was probably the most damaged of them all! He needed my love and I was glad to oblige- it was a perfect symbiosis. I also claim to have loved my playboy. He was also cheated on by an ex and he told me the first time we met that he never wanted to feel vulnerable again. In retrospect, it might simply be a tried and tested pick up line! But I thought I could change him. He seemed to meet the pre-requisites of a good person. If I could just make him feel loved and secure, I was convinced that I could make a great man out of him!

So now that I am really in need, I have no one to turn to. I consider Gone With The Wind my personal bible! I worship Scarlett Ohara for her fighting spirit, and I like to think of myself as an extension of her character in the real world 😛. I have always quite relished the idea that I am going to find my own Rhett Butler, but somehow I keep collecting more and more Ashley’s. One would think that I would have learned by now!!

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Who’s my fiercest critic? Me!

imageYesterday was a cheat-day. I had spent all day scrambling around, running errands and catching up on other chores. I didn’t get a chance to sit down and really work on a post; as a matter of fact, I didn’t sit down at all, except for an hour during the talk by artist Jaume Plensa at Albright Knox art gallery. The picture above shows his work installed outside the gallery- Laura (here’s an article on the sculpture from Buffalo Rising)- and the picture is taken from the internet. Getting back to subject on hand, I had such a busy day yesterday that if not for the challenge of publishing something every single day through the month of November, I wouldn’t have bothered writing anything at all.

Today, I simply want to critique my post from yesterday, from an outside point of view, and as objectively as possible. To be clear, I don’t already have an opinion, it’s one of those things that falls in the realm of ‘gray’ for me. But those are the kind of things that provoke the deepest thought, and here’s a bunch of them 😛.

So at the end of my one-paragraph post yesterday I mentioned fighting ‘a good fight’. When it comes to publishing something on your own blog, what is considered ‘a good fight’? There are no pre-requisites to a valid blog post- I could have just as well posted a photograph or an old poem from my collection. Would it then be any different than writing just one paragraph? A blog is whatever the blogger wants it to be. In my particular case, I want this to be a chronicle of my life- my thoughts and opinions, my successes and failures, day-to-day highs and lows, and the wisdom that comes with all of that- my lessons, as I call them. I did share a lesson yesterday, in fewer words than I would normally use, but the lesson was to never give up. If someone disqualifies me, I’ll accept it, but as far as I am aware, there are no rules to be broken here! Here’s a football analogy, my first, and probably the last too 😉 I do love the sport but hey, it’s a sport, it doesn’t inspire elegant thought! Anyway, pressing on then… When a receiver isn’t sure whether the pass is complete, and the referee hasn’t blown the whistle, he still runs all the way if he can. Because in the event that all else is fair, he will end up with a touchdown. But if he doesn’t even run to the end zone, the point is moot, it’s simply a compete or an incomplete pass with no reward in either eventuality; reward in this case being points on the board.

So I took the ball just as my clock was burning down to zero and I ran with it. I am calling it a touchdown because I didn’t break any salient rules. But what about the not-so-conspicuous rules? What about the implied rules instead of the expressed ones? What about the integrity and quality of my work? Over the last one month, I have set a standard for myself in all that I have written. People who follow me have, in turn, come to expect that same standard from me. To put just one paragraph out there, simply to check a box, seems unfair in an idealistic world that is elevated above tangible, and to be quite honest, inconsequential accomplishments. But being a new blogger, a challenge like this is instrumental in reinforcing the habit of ‘blogging’, hence the excitement. Yet, was yesterday an example of blogging or simply making the cut? I did the bare-minimum, and I’ve never had much appreciation for those who coast through life doing just the bare-minimum. It is infuriating! I may have managed to preserve my spot in the challenge but a successful completion may already be considered spurious, because while completion is black and white, success is not.

Then again, it’s simply National Blog Posting Month, not National SUCCESSFUL Blog Posting Month. I would revisit yesterday’s post at a later time when I am able to talk about my current predicament, because although on the surface yesterday’s message seemed to address the rather plain subject of posting something, it was really the embodiment of everything I am going through right now. Right now, I am in the middle of the biggest fight that I’ve ever had to put up in my life, and I am not giving up so long as I am still breathing! Time isn’t really on my side, but I’m fighting a good fight and it’ll soon be over, and I’ll soon be able to write about it.

To conclude, in the words of an old pal, “What did we learn today?”, that I’m ambivalent regarding the legitimacy of yesterday’s post, and I can argue it either way all day long 🤓

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Never say ‘never’!

Long day! And I’m only writing this because I have less than 10 minutes left in the day to post something or I’m out of the challenge, and it’s only day 6. Now you see, I am a fighter, I don’t give up easy! Even if there is only… Let’s see, now 5 minutes, left, I’m gonna get something out. So let this post be about not giving up, giving everything your 100% and then some, fighting till you can fight no more, or until the time runs out, and most importantly, fighting a good fight 😊

Cheers

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Daddy’s Girl, Who Knew!

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I almost wanted to take a break from writing today. But too bad for those of you who are tired to see email notifications from me daily, it’s November, and with me being a brand new blogger, I have to, HAVE TO, do this challenge. So sorry for monopolizing your mailbox with my new post updates and here are some musings from just another day in my life :D.

I took my graduate record examination today, remember my grand plan of getting a doctorate?! For someone who signed up for the exam just last week, I think I did well (read: I could’ve done better, that’s just an excuse I’m giving myself ;)). Anyway, I think I’ve managed to make the cut off for Yale, although barely, but a good statement of purpose, and outstanding recommendations might help me reserve a spot for myself in the prestigious Ivy League institute, we’ll see. It certainly is overambitious of me but I want to aim high and see where I land, not settle for what’s easily attainable.

I am especially missing my dad today. My dad and I have something of a tradition going back many years now- he is the first person I speak to as soon as I get done with an exam. It started when I was in high school. In Indian education system, all students have to go through nationwide subject-based standardized testing, once to qualify to start high school and pick a career stream (yes, as early as that- there is no such thing as undecided in India), and once more to graduate. These exams are very exhaustive and arduous, and most times they are the crux of a  student’s academic pursuits. They can be likened to SAT’s, but I’ve taken both and I can tell you that the board exams, as they are called, are a beast!

Now that you can imagine the palpable stress this 2-week long marathon event called the boards imposed on young minds, my dearest daddy with a heart of jell-o would make sure he drove me to my test center himself so that I didn’t have to deal with any other stressors :). Consequently, he would also come to pick me up. As a habit, I never take the entire allocated time for a test, because very rarely do I review my responses before turning in the paper. So I like to leave early and avoid any discussions with other test-takers- good or bad, this is how I’ve always been and for most part it has worked for me. So the first person I saw after my exams was my dad. Even when I was off at college, my dad would start expecting my call about 30 minutes before the designated finish time for any given test.

It has been a very long time since I took an exam, over five years now. As usual, I had signed out 25 minutes early. As I started walking towards my car, my first instinct was to call my dad, I took out my phone and dialed his number. He didn’t answer, he was probably already asleep by then. I haven’t had a chance to speak with him yet. At 30 years old, I think I’m still my daddy’s little girl 🙂

I couldn’t find a better picture of the two of us. I have spent, give or take, 3 months with him in the last 9 years. This one was taken during my sister’s wedding last year. The last time I saw him, I didn’t have the phone that I do now so the pictures are saved away somewhere on a hard drive!

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30 and Learning…. Confidence!

imageThis blog is all about me and the lessons I am learning each day, about myself and about the world I live in. I look outward to find exactly what I want to look for inward. There are so many things that make me ‘me’.  It’s not possible to summarize all of it in one post, or few, or many. The simple reason why I write has changed so much in less than a month since I started writing- stage one: I have a story to I just want to write, and stage two: I just want to write to I want to write to build relationships. So yes, I am 30 years old and counting- not the years that go by but the lessons they teach me.

The other day someone told me, as a solution to my cryptic problem that I can’t talk about, “do this, this is what everyone else does…”. My first instinct was to dart back, “but I am NOT everyone”, but I didn’t. Instead, I’ve let it stew and simmer in my head for about two days now and I think I finally have a concoction I am ready to share 😄.

I have shared a little something about my family background in the Homecoming post. I come from a long line of nerds with my grandad leading the pack with two doctorates. Growing up, I was always the smartest kid in my class, even the school if I maybe so bold. I always got the highest grades, I represented my school in all sorts of events- debates and oration, dance and other arts, quizzes and other science competitions, and I almost always won 😌. Consequently, this made me the popular kid. I was always part of the student leadership, and in my final year in high school, I was elected to be the School Captain with an overwhelming majority.

So I was the popular one alright, but I was never the attractive one. My best friend was. She was the girl every boy in the school wanted to woo. In fact, the first boy I ever had a crush on ended up asking her out few years later 💔. As was bound to happen eventually, school was over and I was off to college. I had to start from the ground up, none of my laurels from schooldays had any real value there. People only saw what was on the surface. And just like that, I was the attractive one 😳. Trust me, you don’t want to be the attractive one in a society that is sexually repressed! I lived through horror next few months- a friend beaten up for my phone number, prank calls from strangers asking how much I charged for a night, catcalling and eveteasing on the streets- HORROR! I used to cry from fear and agony! First of all, the stress of living on my own for the first time, add to that this daily mental torture- I was forced to grow up years in those initial months spent away from home.

For a very long time thereafter, I had difficulty accepting that I could possibly be the attractive one. The series of guys I dated could never help me feel secure about myself. I was always the dumpee- gosh, something must be wrong with me. I know I am a good person. I had a very secure childhood so I have no doubt about the beauty of my soul. So maybe I am not outwardly beautiful- were some typical thoughts. Even until recently, I had very little confidence in the looks department 🤓. Then I met my playboy who I wrote about earlier. For all the scars he’s left me with, he somehow also managed to give me the confidence I was lacking.

When I look back at the 20-year-old-me and now-30-year-old-me, I like the latter so much more. I am so much more confident about myself, about my life, my successes as well as my mistakes. I am not scared to acknowledge the realities of being me- good and bad. So, indeed, I am NOT everyone. I am unique, like everyone else is. And I am not going to do things that ‘everyone else does‘ simply because everyone else does them. I am going to find my own solution to my problem, and once I’ve put it behind me, I would like to talk about it too.

PS: This post was inspired by a fellow blogger’s post, Come On, Let’s Go” by Robert Doyle. There is so much chaos in my life right now, nothing seems right, then suddenly this morning, after reading his post, I had this moment of liberation where I thought to myself- I am free to do what I want. If I fail, I will own my failure but at the very least, it will be MY failure! I am not everyone, I am me and I am free 🙂

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Why do I blog- the transformation…

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Million-Dollar Question.”

Update: corrections about The Mount, and my apologies for the erroneous assumption

When I started my blog, I thought it would be worthwhile to have a mission statement- why do I blog- so I wrote my first post Why here and why now to let my prospective readers know why I decided to start a blog and why I decided to do it now. Since the day I wrote that first post, up until this day, my reasons have been constantly evolving. My 10-post look-back jibber jabber… is one example of this organic transformation.

Disclaimer: some of the links to my older posts may not work at this time. As I have previously alluded to a certain problem I am currently facing, I thought it would be prudent to take down some material preemptively. I have expressed nothing but facts, and my opinions on certain matters here, and I don’t want to invite any trouble 🙂 Hopefully, I’d be able to restore the content soon.

To be honest, I have stopped keeping count of how many posts I have written since then. So I don’t know the number, but since post number 11 to now, I’ve undergone another transformation. Now I write because I have built a feeling of camaraderie with my fellow-bloggers. It feels like writing post cards to long distance friends, or letters to pen-pals- do kids now even know what pen-pals are, or do they have ‘keyboard’-pals now?! 🤓 I think they’ve expanded the definition of a pen-pal to include emails and online chats now, oh well! There’s that supernatural world again that I wrote about earlier…

I have come to follow some of my fellow-bloggers as I draw strength and inspiration from them. I’ve already said how some of them are now my friends, but I want to dedicate this post to The Mount. You can follow his her blog here. Now, I was raised in a mixed religion household with a Hindu mom and Jain dad (Jainism is akin to Buddhism), and I went to a Catholic school. So I don’t associate with any one particular religion. It is always my sincere attempt to imbibe the best from every religion and every culture that I come in contact with and stay true to the basic scruples of goodness, kindness and honesty. So I don’t follow his her blog because of my religious outlook but because his her words help me draw strength and courage in times of need. Logic is a good thing, hand-on-heart I’d love to be a Vulcan 🖖 but in this life at least we’re humans, and as humans we also need faith. We may choose to call it by different names, often times God, but all said and done, it is what makes us strong when the line between black and white is blurred and when logic seems futile.

Being a blogger is not only helping me express myself but it is also helping me broaden my outlook. I never considered myself parochial but I am learning so much more each day. I am amazed at how similar we are as human beings even if we seem outwardly different! I hope that one day we can become a society that is wise enough to look beyond the superficial man-made barriers that we have created over centuries, and learn to appreciate each other and seek the best in each other. Too philosophical?! Deal with it, I do have a solemn side, you know 😛

There’s nothing solemn about sitting against Universal Studio backdrop, but that’s the only picture I could find where I don’t have a grin pasted on my face, only a small smile 😉

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Cliches are cliches because they’ve been proven right over and over…

It’s day 2 and I have managed to find the time and inspiration to be here again, yay 🙂

This time around I am sitting in a coffee shop, listening to the spa radio station on Pandora, very zen, and working on my ‘statement of purpose’- yes, I’m planning to go back to school. After this, I am going to meet with my immigration attorney to make sure it’s ok for me to go back to school.

After having finished the first 150 words or so of my SOP, I paused for a minute to reflect on my life thus far. My purpose, that’s a very challenging subject to talk about. On a very high level, I simply want to live a good life- a life founded in kindness, generosity, honesty and compassion. I don’t ever want to stop growing, not saying I want to be a giant, you know what I mean 😛 but I don’t want to be hustled around, coerced into doing things in the name of growth. The decision to go back to school seemed that way in the beginning.

Due to change in my circumstances, going back to school was my last resort to maintain a legal residence here- an expensive option too. I tried avoiding it as much as possible but as time went on and all other doors were slamming in my face one after another, it seemed like the only way out. After much consideration I decided I was going to do it.

I believe in organic growth- learning things on the job, letting my career make its own course. But now that I have been looking at schools and programs, I realize this is actually a good thing. There are so many unique programs out there, so much that piques my interest and makes me want to learn more! So now, not only am I excited about going back to school, I am going to go all the way and get a doctorate 🤓 I’ll try to anyway, and give it my best!

I haven’t got much time so I’ll keep it brief. I would have never considered going back to school had I not been forced to. I guess laws of physics hold true in day-to-day life too- a body at rest continues to stay at rest (same for body in motion) unless acted upon by an external force. So maybe I had stopped growing, maybe I was cruising through life at a slow pace, and now that I have been jostled by an external force that is out of my sphere of influence, I am going to move faster. I am not going to resist it but go with the flow because now I see that moving, even if at times it’s at a pace faster than what I would’ve liked, or in a direction I didn’t think I’d take, is still serving the ultimate purpose of helping me grow!

So yes, it’s a cliche that everything happens for a reason, good one too, but trust me, it is true 😀

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November has started y’all!!

National Blog Post Month has finally begun, and man, has it started with a bang or what, for me that is! I was all excited about getting a post out there every day through the month but that seems like a challenge I may not be able to overcome, and not for the obvious reasons. I can always find something to say and the time to put it on paper, that isn’t my problem 😋 My problem is that I might have to say good bye to the blogging world for brief period 😳

Unfortunately, some unforeseen hard times have befallen me and I don’t know a way out- hence the silence last couple of days. I’m not at the liberty to disclose the specifics of my personal tragedy currently, but I will eventually. If I end up going on a hiatus, I will share it when I come back and my journey leading up to the come-back. Until then I will try my best to write for as long as I can 🙂

So I send all the best wishes to all my fellow-bloggers! I hope you’re able to complete this challenge and post something new everyday! Once I’m in a better place I’m sure I will have quite the reading material to catch up on 😉

P