In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Fright Night.”
I’m scared of letting go, I’m scared that one day he will fade from memory, I’m scared that I will never know what we could’ve been…
I’ve already done a Halloween post, so this one is a little more abstract, that was abstract too, this is even more so. But it’s a real fear nonetheless, and what would it take for me to overcome it? Desire to live life and find out what’s next.
I told myself that I would never write about him but it’s been what seems like a lifetime since we spoke, or since our paths crossed. I do know that he will always try to watch over me, even if from the shadows, so you can say that he’s kinda like my own personal Batman 😉 So I’m hoping that he will read this, and I’m hoping that he will know it’s about him.
Believe it or not, I started writing this while sitting in the waiting room of an oral surgeon’s office, waiting to get a root canal. I daresay that’s what I should’ve been scared of 😛 But I’m a root canal veteran! This was my third 😕 Hey, I take very good care of my teeth- I brush at least twice, most times thrice a day, I floss regularly, ok semi-regularly, and I use a fluoride-based mouthwash. My dentist thinks it’s probably genetics. So while I managed to get the good-hair gene from my mum, the good-heart gene from my dad, and the good-brain gene from my granddad, I also snuck in the bad-teeth gene from God-knows-who in my ancestry, arghh!
On my way there, I drove by few places that reminded me of him. I don’t usually drive out that way, this was an emergency appointment so the surgeon had me drive further out to his second office. As I retraced the familiar path, alone this time, I remembered holding hands, and talking about dogs, and laughing. We all have that one
unrequited unfulfilled love (I’m sure he loved me too) that makes us both happy and sad. He is mine. We met at a bad time, that is all that went wrong with us. I’ve never been a better version of myself than what I was around him. He brought out the best in me. And some days when I’m in the middle of my now-regular bawling-my-eyes-out show, I think to myself what I’d give just to hear his voice and be in his arms!
Most people carry memories like this with them, the romantics do anyway! But do they ever get so caught up with life that they forget that one very special person who they might never see again? While I’m going through life, paving a new path forward, I’m scared to go so far away that I may never to be able to retrace a path back to him- no familiar places or things to remind me of him. But I’m going to do it just the same because that’s the whole point of living- moving forward- isn’t it?! Not becoming stagnant or looking backwards. I don’t know what future holds but I do know that whatever it is it’s worth the journey of getting there. I just hope I keep running into pleasant reminders like I did today, so I don’t forget the things that I don’t want to- don’t know if that even makes sense, see why I’m scared?!